My wife asked me this morning if I minded if she went to a yoga class with a friend of hers. I told her of course I don’t mind go ahead and have fun. I will never EVER ask Nicole to not go do something she wants to do for herself. As far as I am concerned she has earned the right to leave the house to go do whatever she wants, whenever she wants.
The reason for this opinion is that outside of any unusual circumstances the mom spends 99% of the time with the baby. As a dad at times I feel useless because Lila relies on her mom for so much, and on me for so little. I know this will change as she gets older, but when a baby is breastfeeding she gets that instant and amazing bond with her mom, and the dad is just kind of an afterthought. So for how much my wife has to do to take care of our baby, ON TOP OF still working full time, taking care of all her usual jobs around the house, and taking great care of me LOL – yea I think she has earned the right to go to yoga anytime she feels like it.
BUT I won’t lie to you good people. I will never lie in my writing no matter how personal it is. When my wife wants to leave the house, and I smile and say of course go have fun, on the inside I AM TERRIFIED!
This tiny little baby. This sweet little innocent angel, can turn in to a nightmare for a dad with no boobs. Boobs are the key to a breastfeeding baby’s happiness. Not hugs, not kisses, not toys, BOOBS, and we as dads are not blessed with them. Sometimes when I’m home alone with Lila it’s smooth sailing, but other times the girl just wants her momma and nothing else will satisfy her. In these situations I usually just have to endure her screaming and crying and hold on tight until my backup arrives.
So Nicole leaves for yoga today and I finish feeding Lila her gross blended concoction I’m not really sure what it was? I think a mix of bananas and breastmilk and rice. We watch a little TV, I put her in her baby carrier and we goof around a little bit and take some funny pictures. All was going well , and then it began. She started rubbing her eyes which is always a sign of a sleepy baby. The rubbing of the eyes is usually accompanied by whimpering and/or crying until she gets the comfort of moms boob in her mouth, which often times puts her to sleep instantly.
With no mom around I knew I had to take action immediately. I took her out of the baby carrier and started walking her around the house. She loves when I do laps around the fireplace with her or as we call it “Walk the Babyapolis 500”. Lap after lap I walk and suddenly after only about 5 minutes she buries her little face in to my neck and passes out.
It’s at this point that my heart is officially melted. I honestly get so emotional in this moment, every time it happens. My heart just fills with happiness it is so hard to explain. I keep walking laps feeling so loved. I smell her warm hair and listen to her breathing. There is no feeling in the world like this. This little tiny girl loves me and trusts me so much. I am her dad and she knows it. She knows that I am here for her now and I will be here for her forever.
It is in this moment that as a man you understand what the love a dad has for his daughter really is. It’s a truly in-explainable feeling and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I sit here writing this as I watch her sleep, and I realize how blessed I am to have this healthy happy baby, and how much I cant imagine life without her.
For all the tough times raising a newborn brings, all the sleepless nights and tired days, all of the money that having and raising a baby costs.
This is the moment that makes it all worth it.
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