OK, Which One of You Farted?

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Am I the only one who was raised by his mother to believe that girls didn’t fart? Please shoot me a comment or email I would really like to hear some other opinions on this. I  literally grew up with my mom telling me that girls just didn’t fart. She wasn’t kidding either she was dead serious, and I believed her. My mom never farted around us, in fact I still don’t know if I have ever heard my mom fart. I don’t think I want to hear my mom fart, even though it would be hilarious, but still you get the point. I think growing up my sister definitely farted, so maybe my belief growing up was that girls farted, but women didn’t.

 

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You know who does fart though- more than anyone? BABIES. Specifically the sweet little innocent one pictured above. This girl can fart so loud it shakes the entire couch. HOW on earth is a tiny little baby able to produce a fart so loud it sounds like its coming from a full grown adult? I mean of course its funny I am just so perplexed on how it’s possible for such a tiny human to release such a sound.

 

You know what’s NOT funny though?

 

THERE IS A MYSTERY FARTER SLEEPING IN MY BED.

 

There have been several nights where I was sleeping, and I suddenly woke in a panic believing there was an earthquake, only to quickly realize that we live in Florida and it was not an earthquake, but the mystery farter striking again.

 

I have three main suspects, as only 3 individuals with the ability to pass gas sleep in my bed.

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Suspect Number 1- Oliver Bartlebee Robinson – 6 Inches Tall- Auburn Hair

 

It could be suspect # 1, but I used my detective skills and quickly discovered that he does not have “buttcheeks”.  I am going to have to rule him out on the grounds of an inability to emit anything more than a “SBD” or Silent But Deadly Fart.

 

I believe the guilty party has to be either suspect # 2 or suspect #3.

 

 

*Suspects Number 2 and 3 Pictured Above*

 

 

Look at the photos above taken on two separate nights. These two beautiful girls APPEAR to be sleeping so innocently, but one of them is the mystery farter. Its funny almost every single night they sleep in the EXACT same position as each other. Lila must see her mom and just know like “Hey that must be how I am supposed to sleep.” So when I wake up to a bed rattling fart and look over to see these two sleeping in the exact same position how am I supposed to know who the guilty party is?

 

Based on my previous knowledge that women don’t fart, and babies fart A LOT I am going to have to give my wife the benefit of the doubt here and assume it was baby Lila, BUT it is also possible that women have been using baby farts as their cover for years.

 

I guess the world may never know.

 

 

 

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Thanks for reading!

~Sean Robinson

8 thoughts on “OK, Which One of You Farted?

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